The Piss Puddle

I come from the projects. Real live 9+ story buildings where multitudes of heroin and crack addicts swarm to buy drugs under the guarded protection of concrete and brick. A place where it is too dangerous to have a raid and, because most of the people who are born there die there, it is impossible to infiltrate with undercover cops. If a blue and white is seen, the word spreads so quickly even I know they are about to drive through. I remember running up and down those stairs as a child alone but now you couldn't pay me money to even look in the direction of those stairs. Piss is the first smell you encounter when you enter the buildings. I can barely stand it but when I was younger it didn't even bother me. I used to be envious of the boys who could piss in corners whenever the urge hit but now it just makes my stomach flip.

All this damn near walking distance from some of the best shopping that downtown Chicago has to offer. Literally around the corner from the city's highly regarded Chinatown and up the street from the McCormick place and esteemed Lake Shore drive. Oh this is pree mo investment property and the powers that be are itching to tear this place down but what to do with all the people?? No hurricanes to do the dirty work here, oh well. But I distract from my story. This is where I have to go to visit the influential person in my life, my grandma. On this particular visit, I have come to show her the car she helped me finance, because my credit is bad and I discovered almost too late the value of paying bills. And on the way out, we all had to scramble to get onto the muderous elevator, because it will slam on you, all the while avoiding the huge fucking puddle of piss. The last one on, my grandma, stood right in the puddle. We begged here to get out of it and squeeze along the walls with us but all she would do is smile and say "Its all right".

I feel like shit.

This is the woman who went to jail for kidnapping me from my mother when she decided to marry a pimp. This is the woman who I saw with my very own eyes beat the shit out of my Auntie's boyfriend for calling her a bitch. The very same woman who, if you really need it will pay a whole bill for you, to keep your electricity or your gas on or keep you from getting put out of your house. I remember how she would work 40+ weeks, raise 2 of my cousins, and still made time to tend to my elderly great grandmother. I idolize her. My mind has been messed up every since Saturday reflecting on the piss puddle that my grandma stood in. It just reminds me that I have to keep going and keep struggling to graduate so that I can be there for her like she has been there for me. She makes me want to kidnap her because she refuses to retire. She just gives and gives and gives so unselfishly till its a wonder where she finds all this strength.

All us "economically challenged" people working to get better and accomplished previously poor have had someone in our lives to teach us, guide us, and believe in us while we damn near kill ourselves trying make lives better for families. Nobody does it all alone. Thank your support person and be grateful for your network of supporters that have helped you to get where you are today. I have to succeed because she is patiently waiting and watching me and cheering me on and believing in me even when I don't.